There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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