I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
