I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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