In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
