Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
