She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
