All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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