Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
