But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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