I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
