Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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