I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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