Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
