u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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