I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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