Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
