so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
