god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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