my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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