I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize