I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
