and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
