You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
