Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
