That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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