I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
