Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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