i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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