I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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