omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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