Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
