is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
