do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
