The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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