Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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