Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
