Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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