Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
