I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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