Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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