i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
