I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
