she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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