Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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