I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
