life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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