My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
