it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize