I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
