I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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