Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
