So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
