I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
