Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
