so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
