There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
