I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
