I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
