I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
