absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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