Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
