farters have to be the big spoon...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
