So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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