If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
