and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
