After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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