Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
