We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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