My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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