Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
