ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
