Ambien. No doubt about it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
