and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
