Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
