fuck your aforementioned shoe
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
