fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
