So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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