If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
