Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Are we still banned from the library?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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