This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
