sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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