I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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