He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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