My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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