My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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