just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
