You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
