I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
