I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
