The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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