i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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