It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It's shark week go big or go home
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
