my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
