A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize