I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
