So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
