allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
