East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
