I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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